Making the decision to seek help from Hawaii Naturopathic Retreat saved my life. In the time leading up to the physical/emotional/spiritual despair necessary to motivate a profound change, I had difficulty perceiving my unhealthy habits as detrimental because I was able to keep my life somewhat intact… I was educated, had a career, community respect, house, close friendships & despite my distance, my family still embraced me. It was hard to see that my over-stimulating lifestyle was suffocating my soul until my addictive, compulsive behavior became what traditional therapy would describe as drug addiction, alcohol addiction, bipolar ii mood disorder and an eating disorder resemblant of food addiction.
My moods were out of control, and had been for some time. It only became intolerable when the periods of high speed super-productive ‘hypo-mania’ became shorter and the periods of depression became longer, darker, and led to suicidal thinking. Living in a city where habitual & binge drinking are the norm, it took a downfall from chronic marijuana use into harder drugs – some of which I had sworn off years before – to see that I was in trouble. I self medicated with DMT, LSD, psilocybin mushrooms, cocaine, Aderall, Klonopin, Xanax, Vicodin, & loads of MDMA, laced with who-knows-what. My eating behavior would range from secretly binging on junk food to fasting on lemonade & drugs for several days; I was disgusted by the carbohydrate, sugar and fat addictions that led me to gain 80 pounds in 6 years. My hormones were out of balance and I was on the verge of becoming diabetic. If I wasn’t compulsively working, I was dependently social; I could not sustain peace in solitude.
Seven months before beginning raw detox in Hawaii, I began traditional addiction therapy in an intensive outpatient program, started 12 step meetings and got a sponsor. I wanted help for sugar addiction because I had long since discarded my insulin resistant medication and knew my hormones and weight would get exponentially worse the longer I denied my lack of control. The therapists in traditional IOP placated my food issues but the program did help me to achieve a 10 week period of sobriety. Though, the whole time I had to fight against a system that was so quick to prescribe me legal psychoactive drugs to help me get off of the illegal ones. Instead of submitting to them, I took it upon myself to supplement my treatment with a gym membership, yoga, meditation, acupuncture, massage, and plunged my energy into creating a custom diet free of processed carbohydrates and caffeine. I felt great and my primary care MD was astonished that I had cured my pre-diabetes with the diet. I developed a passion for food as medicine & began to dream about re-creating my life around this discovery of natural self healing. As a patient and potential student, I began to study practitioners as I received treatment. I regularly saw an eating disorder psychotherapist, nutritionist, herbalist, and requested blood work and tests that my MD did not think necessary or perform thoroughly.
It wasn’t enough. My body needed careful physical repair in order for my mind to sustain any semblance of health, and I needed someone other than myself to oversee that & the various treatments. Without such help, I collapsed back into my old habits, only harder. I dropped the compulsive sexual behavior that enabled my first attempt at sobriety and I picked up smoking cigarettes – an addiction I had kicked 9 years before. My first dangerously toxic drug overload induced a very scary period of psychosis and by the third one, I knew I was fighting death. Yet still, it took weeks of speaking with my therapist, friends & family to be convinced that inpatient treatment wasn’t an over-reaction, luxurious expenditure, and selfish abandonment of responsibilities.
My intuition lead me to discover Hawaii Naturopathic Retreat Center and I studied it online for a long time before making a skeptical phone call. Nicolette, an amazingly gracious, sincere woman patiently spoke with me on the phone periodically over the next month. I was such a hot mess at that point that I couldn’t fill out the intake paperwork and hardly made it on the airplane, but for the kindness of supportive friends and family. I was the drugged-up girl that wore sunglasses through airport security with a lolly pop in my mouth to pacify withdrawals, just waiting to get to my layover so I could re-up on hard drugs – at that point alcohol was not enough to sustain three flights.
Upon arrival to Hilo airport, I was embraced with a hug and a hawaiian lei by Maria, the bubbly radiant domestic goddess of the retreat center. I woke up in a haze the next morning and will never forget the moment Dr.Baylac opened my bedroom door, bright eyed & in her precious little french accent: “good morning, are you ready to face the day?”…um, no way was I ready to face the day, but I knew I had to trust the relief of her wise, soulful, healing energy. Then I met the other mother of the retreat center, Sue, a gentle, compassionate nurse who made the settling in process as easy as possible. Humor was helpful too, nothing like a little jingle “The best part of waking up… is Folgers in your butt”, to ease the initial (unnecessary) embarrassment of coffee enemas. Raw food chefs and other patients made the living feel familial by providing the comfort of fellowship as well as challenges to grow from. Each and every practitioner I worked with was lovable and integral to the healing process. Though I was hesitant about some modalities at first, it was heart expanding to experience The Work of Byron Katie, Emotional Freedom Technique, Watsu, and Reichian breathwork.
Perhaps most valuable was the attentive natural medical support; I feel all of the above could be wasted without it. Dr.Baylac studied my case thoroughly, ordered tests that revealed underlying issues that MD’s have overlooked for years, and tweaked my customized supplement routine and IV therapy support as needed. Though drug withdrawals and food cravings were nursed to minimal discomfort (massages, teas, baths & lots of love helped), my first few weeks of detox were rough with mood instability, psychadellic flashbacks, nightmares, and occasional vomiting. I was probably a tough customer to restore to sanity, but because of her intuitive nurturing and sincere passion for helping, I was able to open up and trust Dr.Baylac and her phenomenal team to guide me to serenity.
It honestly wasn’t always hard, I’ve shed 22 pounds (and counting) while eating delicious Raw food – fresh coconut, tacos, pizza, ravioli, sushi, mediterranean & thai food, chocolate pie & carrot cake, you name it! And, you don’t just get to eat it, you get educated on how to adopt a lifestyle of reclaiming your health with nourishing foods. I’ve also developed the energy to do either yoga, personal training or Pilates most days of the week, power walk and swim regularly, and occasionally I even jog – something I’ve never been able to enjoy before now! I have to say, being surrounded by a paradise of beautiful ocean, numerous swimming holes filled with tropical fish and glowing coral, jungles of wild fruit and tropical flowers, and an un-tainted view of the moon and stars, does help tremendously.
The physical, emotional, and intellectual challenges have been empowering and spiritually enlightening. Tomorrow is my last day of 7 weeks in treatment. I initially came for 30 days and have learned that a proper healing process takes time. I have a new lifestyle to maintain and though I know it will have it’s challenges, I am dedicated to doing it because I’ve experienced how right it can feel. I’m taking an easy transition out of treatment by not going directly back to my tempting environment; instead, I will stay nearby, do some outpatient work at the center for two weeks, then continue on with steps to regain the confidence I need to pursue my dream of going back to school, so I can some day help others with this type of mind/body/soul healing… something I could only be certain of after experiencing the profound benefits it has had, and will continue to have on my journey through life.
A world of gratitude to Dr. Baylac, Nicolette, Sue, Ian, Connie, Witek, Lilia, Shakti, Daina, Amber, Anne, Melissa, Elisha, Arminda, Angela, Maria, and all the patients. This experience has saved my life. Thank you, or as they say in Hawaii, Mahalo!
Aloha, ~Sarah
29 years old
12 September 2013
