Anti-Anxiety and Anti-Depressant Medication Use for 20 Years

I have been on all sorts of anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications since my first panic attack when I was seventeen. I have probably been on ten different anti-depressants and five different anti-anxiety medications since then. At one point I was taking maybe 3mg or 4mg of Klonopin. To put this into perspective, I believe that each milligram of Klonopin equals 10mg of Valium/Diazepam.

About six months ago I started to wean myself off of Klonopin using the Ashton Method. I used the Ashton chart as a conversion and I was also active on the message boards online. I also read The Benzo Book: Getting Safely off Tranquilizers by Jack Hobson-Dupont. I found it to be very scary. The book describes how these medications destroy the nervous system and the body in general. I could have stayed on these drugs for the rest of my life and not really had a life. I felt that these pills had me on a leash and it was hurting my social life. My thinking was very cloudy and I was emotionally catatonic
except for the bouts of panic I would feel before self-medicating. So, yes, I was having a hard time seeing people, and when I did, it was not fun.

I was able to wean myself down to 2mg of Valium on my own, but I felt that I needed help with quitting completely. I noticed that I was turning to alcohol more often to relieve my anxiety and I didn’t want to see myself going down that road. After I mentioned this to my therapist several times and she just kind of brushed it under the carpet, I decided that I was going to seek help on my own. I told myself that I would find a place that seemed to resonate with me and that I would go there. And that is what happened.

The program I followed at The Hawaii Naturopathic Retreat Center was very good. The components regarding nutrition, exercising, and looking inward instead of depending on things outwardly, were very helpful. I knew all of this intuitively but felt that I really needed to be somewhere where I would be guided to do it every day. When I arrived to the retreat I actually wanted to stop cold turkey since I was already about two days without medication due to the long flight I had. So I said, “Why don’t I just not take it?” But Dr. Baylac wanted me to continue just taking a tiny amount. I think I was taking 0.5mg every other day, then 0.25mg every day and then I went to a 0.25mg every other day. One morning, around two weeks ago, I just forgot to take it. Then the next day I forgot to take it as well. Dr. Baylac and I both looked at each other and said, “Why not just stop taking it altogether?” So, it has been about two weeks that I have been completely off benzodiazepines.

Before my arrival my liver enzymes were elevated about fourfold. After only ten days at the retreat they fell within the normal range. On a scale from one to ten, I had a tremor of five. After a few weeks it dropped to between a half and zero. However, I actually feel better mentally than I do physically to be honest. I still feel very tired. I think it is going to take a long time for my body to adjust to this. So, I have not been feeling super energetic and feel that I can fall asleep at any time. I still have some vertigo, but it has gotten a lot better.

I feel good about what I have achieved in the last six months and I think maybe twenty years ago I felt like this, except for the withdrawal symptoms. I am feeling the way I think I should feel, like myself again, and I am excited to live my life. Before getting off of my medication I was basically sleepwalking through my days. I am looking forward to leaving here and seeing what is going to happen to me and what I can create for myself and for others.

I actually have a career plan that I have had for a while and now it is becoming more feasible, because I am becoming clearer. I have been aware
of my goal for maybe a year or year and a half, but I did not have the energy
to do anything about it, I just didn’t care. But now I do.

March 26th, 2012
(patient chose to remain anonymous)